Afraid of Missing Out? You’re Missing Out. Big Time.

The self-diagnosis of a performer’s scarcity mindset

Photo by Drew Graham on Unsplash

COVID-19 has put a sudden halt on my acting career, as it did to hundreds of thousands of actors like me. The emotional toll, the frustration of not being able to do what we love the most, far outweighed the financial loss. While I was sitting home mourning for my lost gigs and trying not to worry about the future, I was also forced to look back on my acting career.

I was driven by fear. A lot of fear. On the worst days, I felt fear was chasing me like a rabid dog and I could never run fast enough. I was afraid of missing out. I was afraid of falling behind. I was afraid of not being enough. I was afraid of not being able to consistently book work. And, as the first immigrant in my family, I was afraid of not being able to get the artist visa and stay in the country.

So I chose to fill my calendar up with classes, auditions, or temp jobs. I was always on the go. A full calendar was like my safety blanket. I kept pushing myself to do more, to do better. While the hustle did work to some extent, the more I got afraid of missing out, the more I felt like I was missing out. So I decided to push myself even harder. I showed up at auditions when I was not feeling well, only to make myself one of those forgettable actors because my work was not up to par. I…