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Befriending Anxiety as a Highly Sensitive Person
Anxiety. One of the very first batch of English words I learned. I’d reach out to it every time I need a word, starting with an A.
I’ve had a rocky relationship with anxiety since I was a kid. I’m an only child raised by strict, traditional Chinese parents. Growing up as a gifted, introverted and highly sensitive child, I’ve felt too much (and often too high) expectations placed on my shoulders. I’ve always looked up to high-achieving adults 10 years my senior. Comparing myself to them, I couldn’t help feeling anxious.
The comparison was almost the “social norm” when I was a kid in the late 90s and early 2000s in China. While I was doing very well at school, anxiety has always been my best friend. Even if I was “the best” among my cohort, I was pushed onto bigger stages with more competitive players. Winning a prize at a public speaking competition in high school would give me a “euphoria high” for days, but now? It couldn’t give me the same satisfaction any more.
I learned, until years later, that competitions and comparisons were the root cause of my anxiety. Anxiety was born between the gap between my expectations and my realities. So I thought: I should either lower my expectations or amp up my actions. But that “black and white” mentality cannot give me any anxiety-free guarantee either. Because no matter…
